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Go to the Goodwill home page and here’s what their mission statement says: “Goodwill works to enhance the dignity and quality of life of individuals and families by strengthening communities, eliminating barriers to opportunity, and helping people in need reach their full potential through learning and the power of work.” So if Goodwill is about helping people and giving them dignity, then why the hell are they selling you underwear for your hands, binoculars you can put your beer in, boob teapots, along with these items that absolutely rob you of any and all dignity …
Nothing says dignified like a blast of semen on your tie. Nice shot (literally) at helping people, Goodwill.
You say you’re all about eliminating barriers and giving people opportunities. Great, I’ll wear these to my next job interview to get past that barrier of successfully gaining employment.
A Single Pocket
An extra back pocket in case the one’s on your pants falls off, and you make an ass out of yourself (literally) to the whole world.
Bazinga! I can finally see my beer!
Cat Lady Throne
You don’t need to be allergic to cats to get watery eyes from this.
Penis Cloud Book
It’s not enough that I’m being fucked by basically everything on earth; thanks Goodwill for showing me that even the sky is trying to fuck me too.
Pair this with those jean boots and, as Goodwill promises, you’ll never have to face another one of life’s barriers again.
Super Kegel Is Super Kool
So is this items used?
So can I only put milk in this or what?
Naughty Gnome Ornament
This seems about right. The happiest thing in Goodwill is a plastic figurine.
Yes, much better. Strip Jenga so that when it topples, sharp edged pieces of wood can fall on your exposed privates.
Some Good Reupholstering
Yes Goodwill, I feel way more dignified now than ever before. Thank you bunch of boobs.